Look Up

I've got this sinking feeling of losing control, like things are spiraling downward in a steady nose dive. 

It's sort of a dark tunnel that I can't find my way out of. Is there even a light at the end of it? I keep putting one foot in front of the other but I don't seem to be getting any closer to the end. I'm losing motivation. Fast. And my vision dims a little bit because I'm not holding onto it as tightly as I was. 

I'm in perpetual survival mode, existing in the now and steadily losing sight of what's coming. I can't do this anymore. I've got to get a grip on this and go back to where I was before. Three-sixty, right back to the beginning and start over again. Jesus, help me to see again. Give me fresh insight and understanding and motivation to face the giants threatening to trample me. 

I am a conqueror and co-heir in Christ. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He is from everlasting to everlasting. Where does my help come from? From the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Whom shall I fear? // Rom 8:37, Rom 8:17, Phil 4:13, Ps 90:2, Ps 121:1-2, Ps 27:1

Vulnerability

It's the scariest thing ever, sharing pieces of ourselves. The slightest possibility of being hurt or rejected usually sends us running for the hills. Being vulnerable is not for the faint of heart. It takes gutsy courage to face fears and conquer them with beauty and grace. Vulnerable may seem to masquerade as weakness but really it's courage with it's sleeves rolled up, ready to face life's challenges. It embraces weakness and finds beauty in the mess of everyday. Vulnerability stands proud and tall, sure in who she is and where her identity is found. Vulnerability is strong and fearless. Vulnerability doesn't strive toward perfection but understands that perfection can only be found in His love, which is perfect and casts out all our fears. 

Overwhelmed

Sunday evening. Time to prepare for the week ahead. Only on this Sunday evening I've been struck with a feeling of complete and overwhelming panic. It feels like my ever growing to-do list has grown into a giant monster that threatens to swallow me whole. My mind rushes at a million miles an hour when I think of all the things that need to be done. And as fast as I check something off the list, there are a multitude of things to take its place. How do I live a productive and fulfilled life without freaking out every ten minuets because I can't do everything that needs to be done? Note to self - time management Jo, it's called time management.

Yet just because I'm completely overwhelmed in this feeling of inadequacy, I'm choosing to embrace it. Because this is a place where I can't live in my own strength. I need Him. I need His grace. I have to lay down my inadequacies and hang-ups and cast those worries onto Jesus. Because he can handle the things that scare me and overwhelm my soul. 

Let's face it, I can't do everything. Perfection is unattainable. Yet in His perfect love, He extends grace to my momentary freak-outs when life feels too much for me to handle. But these moments are good, they're important. Because they make me seek a little change of perspective. 

O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings! // Psalm 61:1-4