Prayer

Earlier this year I read an amazing book by Cindy Jacobs called The Power of Persistent Prayer. Honestly, it changed the way I thought about prayer. And the way that I actually, well, prayed. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

I had been considering what it was to pray. How does one go about praying? What makes prayer more than just talking to God? How do I, in my prayer life, commune with Him in a deeper and more intimate way? Prayer is amazing, and it's so much more than just taking our problems to God.

I'm fascinated with the mystery of worship and its capacity to be an active expression of prayer. Our worship is not a separate entity to our prayer. There is so much about worship that is connected with prayer. They compliment and strengthen one another. They go hand-in-hand.

I have discovered the amazing power of declaring God's will over my life and the divine authority that He has given through His Holy Spirit to claim victory. I can approach His throne with boldness and confidence that He will hear me and answer me. These are areas that I often neglect in my prayer life. I've always felt unworthy of asking God for things which I think I don't deserve. The thing is, I don't deserve them. God still wants to bless me but He also want's me to ask. I'm guilty of leaving out the asking step but expecting God to deliver. Don't you think that's unfair on God? Ask, and you shall receive, right? Not think or imagine or wish. Ask. If you don't ask, you most likely won't get. And as much as I run the risk of getting a 'No', I won't get a 'Yes' without asking either.

The other day I was pondering a problem. I caught myself worrying over something when I should've given the problem straight to God. Such an easy pit to fall into. It seems like such a logical thing to do, to surrender that thing and lay it at the feet of Jesus. But it's almost never my first response. I tend to hold it close, letting the big problem fester into a bigger problem that seems insurmountable the more I consider it. As I reigned my thinking in and gave the problem over to God, I was reminded of the verse: Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God // Philippians 4:6. So simple. Yet how I over-complicate things! Instead of wasting all that energy on worrying over my problem, I have only to present it to God, tell him about it and surrender it to his care. Seriously, how easy. If only that were always my first action instead of my late reaction.

We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? // Romans 8:26-32 

This thing called prayer is so mysterious. It connects us to the very heart of God. But it's up to us to cultivate the connection. So let's do it! What have we got to lose?

Look Up

I've got this sinking feeling of losing control, like things are spiraling downward in a steady nose dive. 

It's sort of a dark tunnel that I can't find my way out of. Is there even a light at the end of it? I keep putting one foot in front of the other but I don't seem to be getting any closer to the end. I'm losing motivation. Fast. And my vision dims a little bit because I'm not holding onto it as tightly as I was. 

I'm in perpetual survival mode, existing in the now and steadily losing sight of what's coming. I can't do this anymore. I've got to get a grip on this and go back to where I was before. Three-sixty, right back to the beginning and start over again. Jesus, help me to see again. Give me fresh insight and understanding and motivation to face the giants threatening to trample me. 

I am a conqueror and co-heir in Christ. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He is from everlasting to everlasting. Where does my help come from? From the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Whom shall I fear? // Rom 8:37, Rom 8:17, Phil 4:13, Ps 90:2, Ps 121:1-2, Ps 27:1

Illuminate

There's something beautiful about that moment when I turn the light out at the end of the day. Distractions fade into the dark stillness and the booming voice of Mind and Reason take a backseat to the gentle whispers of Heart and Spirit. It makes no sense and there's no rhyme or reasonable logic to it.

There aren't words to explain the ebb and flow of the inner tide of self. It has it's own language, it measures knowledge and understanding unlike logical thinking. It comprehends with utter certainty without knowing how it got to its conclusion. 

I lie awake and the boundaries of mind and spirit overlap. Reality and spiritual insight blur together into a surreal dream-like vision. How can I be sure? What if I'm wrong? Is this trustworthy?

Staring at the ceiling with unseeing eyes, my soul catches a glimpse of the one weighing so heavily on my heart. God, do they know you? Where are they now? Why do I carry such a burden for them in my heart? Dare I trust that you will work these things out for your good and your glory even without me ever understanding what this is?

Despite the mess of my emotions and the confliction of my thoughts, I feel the steady rhythm of the call; pray, it says. Pray and pray and pray.

So I do. I fall asleep praying and I'm awakened with the prompting to pray some more.

I still don't understand. I toss to and fro, not willing to risk that this quiet inner voice might be speaking truth. Morning comes and with daylight comes doubt - it's easy to hide behind the certainty of absolutes. Yet I have learnt to trust this inner guide. There have been times when I have heard something or felt something which I have ignored and thought of as silliness or just workings of my sub-conscious mind. But then God moves and I see that I'm mistaken. The voice is accurate and trustworthy and not just my mind running wild. 

His voice is very still, and very small. It's quiet and gentle, easy to miss. 

I have two options. I can take the risk and believe that this is from Him. Or I can ignore it. I don't know what He's asking me to pray. Only that I need to pray. Earnestly, diligently, with fervor and passion. For so long I've been asking for answers, but I'm coming to realise that it's bigger than knowing the answers to my questions. He's asking me to trust that in the midst of not knowing, He is still working out His plan and purpose. I need to be faithful and obedient and continue to follow the promptings He has placed on my heart. 

Conquering Power

As you go into a new week, I pray that you will walk in the authority of the Holy Spirit, remembering who you are in Him.

The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world's ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God.  //  1 John 5:4

31 Days

Last year, I had this great idea that I would write a series for the month of October on being Fearless. It was great in theory. Reality was a different matter. Fearless was my word. But in the midst of walking the journey I couldn't find a way to say the things that were stirring in my heart. It was too deep and didn't even make much sense to me at the time. So October came and went and despite my intentions to write for thirty-one straight days, I didn't.

Since my return in July, I am struggling to find where this blog is going and what it's about. I also struggle with consistency. Generally I write whenever the mood strikes me and then go for long stretches without anything. Like I've said previously, the hardest part is starting. Now that I have, the next thing is to keep going, to get fresh ideas and produce...oh the dreaded word - content!

But I want to be about more than just churning out content. I want to say things because they are meaningful and important to me. The possibility of encouraging others is just an added bonus.

So this year I've decided that the 31 Days series may be just the thing I need to find my voice. To find and define a purpose and identity for this blog. And maybe there will be some space-fillers in that time but I can't over-think it too much. I just need to jump in and do it. I'm hoping to get a little bit of quality out of a season of quantity. I don't know what I'm going to say, it's still a mystery to me. Maybe a theme will emerge but I'm going into this with nothing planned other than saying something about anything every day for the rest of the month. No matter how it turns out, it should be fun!

Never heard of the 31 days series? Go here to read more about it. And here is a whole bunch of people who are writing for 31 days too.

#SheReadsTruth

One morning while browsing through my emails during my tea break, I came across something interesting about women getting together online to read the bible together.  I thought it sounded great but didn't have time to read it straight away. So I promptly filed the information away in the back of my mind for future reference.

But when later came around and I went back through the myriad of email messages trying to find the email-of-interest to investigate further, I couldn't - it was gone! And I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was even called so that I could search it on Google. Has that ever happen to you? Don't you just hate it? You'd think it would just take a minuet to click on the little star that marks the email as being noteworthy but no, that didn't happen. And to my complete frustration! It plagued me for days. 

source

Then I visited Katie. It had been awhile since I'd been over at Katie's blog (she is wonderful by the way and you should go visit her after reading this). She wrote a post about prayer and surrender that really stirred my heart. But not only that - I found it!

#SheReadsTruth is a bunch of woman reading their bibles together. That's it. No fancy devotional, no one person giving their thoughts on something God is saying or doing for them but has no direct relevance to me. Even though everyone reads the same thing each day, the Spirit breathes life and leads and speaks to each one on a personal and totally individual basis. As only He can. Isn't that just awesome?! 

God truly amazes me. His timing on this has been so incredible. I've been searching for a way to make reading my bible more do-able. I've been wanting to really dig into God's word so that I can hear from Him. But I haven't known where to start. It's kind of daunting when there are so many possible starting points. I've also been thinking a lot about prayer. The whole concept of prayer has been coming and going in the back of my mind for months now. What is prayer, really? And how do I pray? Do I really even know what it is to pray? Am I doing it right? How can I cultivate a deeper prayer life? What can it look like for me? Well, guess what the study was that the ladies at #SheReadsTruth were doing? Yep, prayer.

So I've been shaking up my morning routine with a fresh dose of scripture every day and loving it. #SheReadsTruth is starting a new study next Monday (the 6th of August). Maybe you'd like to consider joining? You can find out more on their blog (the 'how?' page is a great place to start) and on Twitter. And if you decide to join in, please let me know. Let's journey together.

Finding a Beginning

There's been this little voice in the depths of my spirit that's been whispering "It's time to write now." It's a soft voice. But a very persistent one. Almost like that gentle voice of God beckoning me to chase after this dream that's been buried in a dark corner of my heart. And I didn't even realize how deep it went until recently. But the more I've dwelt on the prospect of writing again, the stronger the urge to get going and write. Yet fear has been holding me back. It's the old story. I've marginalized myself by underestimating the things I am able to do with a God-sized, God-inspired dream. Just the possibility of failure keeps me from launching into the unknown and claiming new ground. There's a little part of me - strike that, a big part of me that doubts myself and struggles to fully trust God. 

"Writing? I can't do that. I'm not a writer."

There are some dreams that I've put into the "It's too hard and too impossible and I'm not enough; I might even fail at it so I'll just put it aside and into the pile of 'one day' dreams instead." This is one of those. Only, 'one day' was yesterday's today. And if nothing happens today, it makes the likelihood of achieving my 'one day' dreams unlikely if not impossible. So it's time to get started.

The Spirit works in ways that are so powerful, I marvel at the mystery! He is performing an intensive work in the depth of my being and challenging my attitude toward the dreams and promises that He has put in my heart. He's made me realize that it's not me, but Him in me. And His purposes for these things are what make them worth pursuing. Despite the fear. And despite the unknown. It's true to say that His power really does work best in my weakness.

So as this realization has slowly started to bloom in my heart, I've been eager to start writing again. Only I've been stuck as to where I should begin.  In the search of a suitable reintroduction I've decided that in order to start, I just have to start. Anywhere. Simply the action of creating something from nothing, in absolutely any direction, is the breakthrough necessary to generate momentum.  I have to push my natural inclination toward perfection to one side and embrace the messy, imperfect nature of creative trial-and-error. Let's face it, there's no way to know for sure how it's going to turn out. But actually, I think that's really the beauty of it. 

Disappearing Acts

Hi everyone, I'm back! Finally, you might add! It's only been six months. So much has happened. But let me just start with saying that it's so good to be here again.

Welcome to the new blog. I know I've said this before but, I hope this is it. No more switching to a new domain address every year. That being one of the reasons that I did change my address - instead of having a blog that was based on a theme (because let's face it, the theme changes all the time), it made more sense to put all the themes under one banner; me. So, here it is. This is me in written form.

As much as I needed some time away from blogging, I have missed it. On some days, I sat down to write but nothing came. So I stopped trying and put it on the shelf for awhile. I knew that God was drawing me into a season of quiet, so I surrendered and weeks passed without me writing anything. When I did start writing again, it still felt stilted and unnatural but nevertheless I chronicled what God was speaking to me about during my season of quiet. It's been such an amazing time of stillness and resting in Jesus, of boundless personal growth and depth. My relationship with Him has grown deeper and fuller than ever before. He's led me in a direction that He knew I needed. Perhaps not one that I would have chosen, but definitely one that has been significant in my walk with Him. And that nullifies any objection I have about saying no to writing publicly for a season.

Over the coming weeks, I'll be sharing with you some of my adventures. I also have lots of plans and ideas for the blog floating around in my brain. As you might notice, I'm under construction... *sigh* bare with me friends. This is a work in progress.

It's time to dust off that shelf and start writing again. I hope that you'll stick around and share this journey with me. Hopefully without any more disappearing acts!

//

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The Heart and the Bottle

I recently picked up a book that I knew I just had to have. You know how sometimes you just know it needs to be yours even though you haven't read it yet? Yep, it was like that. And even though I did read the whole book right there in the bookshop, it just confirmed that I had to take it home with me. Sometimes there are purchases that are head buys and sometimes there are purchases that are heart buys. This one was a heart buy.

It's about a little girl (one like any other) whose head was filled with the curiosities of the world. She took delight in finding new things. Her imagination defied reality and her world with full of intrigue and wonderment. One day she found a chair and put her heart in a bottle for safekeeping. And nothing was the same. She forgot about the stars and her wondering and the curiosities of life. Her bottle became heavy but at least her heart was safe. She never noticed these things until she met someone smaller and curious about the world. But she didn't know how to answer her without her heart. So she tried to take her heart out of the bottle. But couldn't. She no longer remembered. If not for someone smaller and still curious about the world.  And the heart was put back where it came from and the chair was no longer empty.


How simply beautiful. I am struck with the fact the childhood is truly magical. So full of wonder, curiosity, joy, intrigue, simplicity and infinite possibilities. Ever stop to consider why children always ask "why?" so often? Because anything could be. There are no hard facts.  Nothing beyond the limits of their imagination.

Have we lost our curiosity? Our wonderment at the world? The sense of the infinite realm of possibilities? Doesn't God say that anything is possible with Him? Have we limited His potential because we have limited our understandings to the fallible physical world around us? The one where we are constantly disappointed. The one where it's hard to see the beautiful things while peering into the harsh light of day. The one where sorrow often outweighs joy. The one where hardship is normal and ease almost completely out of reach. Do we need to take a step back and realize that we've lost something and as hard as we try, we can't get that bottle to open? Maybe we need to humble ourselves and ask someone whose sense of the world is far more expansive and limitless to open it for us. And maybe if we choose that, then our hearts will be put back where they came from and our chair won't be so empty anymore. Only the bottle will.