Prayer

Earlier this year I read an amazing book by Cindy Jacobs called The Power of Persistent Prayer. Honestly, it changed the way I thought about prayer. And the way that I actually, well, prayed. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

I had been considering what it was to pray. How does one go about praying? What makes prayer more than just talking to God? How do I, in my prayer life, commune with Him in a deeper and more intimate way? Prayer is amazing, and it's so much more than just taking our problems to God.

I'm fascinated with the mystery of worship and its capacity to be an active expression of prayer. Our worship is not a separate entity to our prayer. There is so much about worship that is connected with prayer. They compliment and strengthen one another. They go hand-in-hand.

I have discovered the amazing power of declaring God's will over my life and the divine authority that He has given through His Holy Spirit to claim victory. I can approach His throne with boldness and confidence that He will hear me and answer me. These are areas that I often neglect in my prayer life. I've always felt unworthy of asking God for things which I think I don't deserve. The thing is, I don't deserve them. God still wants to bless me but He also want's me to ask. I'm guilty of leaving out the asking step but expecting God to deliver. Don't you think that's unfair on God? Ask, and you shall receive, right? Not think or imagine or wish. Ask. If you don't ask, you most likely won't get. And as much as I run the risk of getting a 'No', I won't get a 'Yes' without asking either.

The other day I was pondering a problem. I caught myself worrying over something when I should've given the problem straight to God. Such an easy pit to fall into. It seems like such a logical thing to do, to surrender that thing and lay it at the feet of Jesus. But it's almost never my first response. I tend to hold it close, letting the big problem fester into a bigger problem that seems insurmountable the more I consider it. As I reigned my thinking in and gave the problem over to God, I was reminded of the verse: Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God // Philippians 4:6. So simple. Yet how I over-complicate things! Instead of wasting all that energy on worrying over my problem, I have only to present it to God, tell him about it and surrender it to his care. Seriously, how easy. If only that were always my first action instead of my late reaction.

We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? // Romans 8:26-32 

This thing called prayer is so mysterious. It connects us to the very heart of God. But it's up to us to cultivate the connection. So let's do it! What have we got to lose?

Look Up

I've got this sinking feeling of losing control, like things are spiraling downward in a steady nose dive. 

It's sort of a dark tunnel that I can't find my way out of. Is there even a light at the end of it? I keep putting one foot in front of the other but I don't seem to be getting any closer to the end. I'm losing motivation. Fast. And my vision dims a little bit because I'm not holding onto it as tightly as I was. 

I'm in perpetual survival mode, existing in the now and steadily losing sight of what's coming. I can't do this anymore. I've got to get a grip on this and go back to where I was before. Three-sixty, right back to the beginning and start over again. Jesus, help me to see again. Give me fresh insight and understanding and motivation to face the giants threatening to trample me. 

I am a conqueror and co-heir in Christ. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He is from everlasting to everlasting. Where does my help come from? From the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Whom shall I fear? // Rom 8:37, Rom 8:17, Phil 4:13, Ps 90:2, Ps 121:1-2, Ps 27:1

Vulnerability

It's the scariest thing ever, sharing pieces of ourselves. The slightest possibility of being hurt or rejected usually sends us running for the hills. Being vulnerable is not for the faint of heart. It takes gutsy courage to face fears and conquer them with beauty and grace. Vulnerable may seem to masquerade as weakness but really it's courage with it's sleeves rolled up, ready to face life's challenges. It embraces weakness and finds beauty in the mess of everyday. Vulnerability stands proud and tall, sure in who she is and where her identity is found. Vulnerability is strong and fearless. Vulnerability doesn't strive toward perfection but understands that perfection can only be found in His love, which is perfect and casts out all our fears. 

Measure of Love

I am an early childhood teacher. I love my job but it's the kind of job where you give a lot. You give a lot of time and attention and instruction and care and love. Most of all, you give love. It's the number one thing that makes a good teacher great - the kind that children remember forever. And in order to be one of those, you need to give overflowing, abundant love - basically, you give of yourself. 

I find that hard. It takes a lot of energy to give of myself freely and continually. I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's tiring. Draining.

Tonight is another in a string of late nights for me. I'm so tired and this blogging thing is getting quite tricky to stay on top of. So instead of putting my depleted energies into creating the perfect post tonight, I'm just going to put it out there that real life is messy and at the end of the day, I've got to head straight back to the source to get a fresh dose of energy and love in order to give more. That's what I'll be doing tonight - seeking and consulting with my 'source' and then getting some much needed sleep so that I can get up in the morning ready to give of myself again with an abundant measure of love.  

Illuminate

There's something beautiful about that moment when I turn the light out at the end of the day. Distractions fade into the dark stillness and the booming voice of Mind and Reason take a backseat to the gentle whispers of Heart and Spirit. It makes no sense and there's no rhyme or reasonable logic to it.

There aren't words to explain the ebb and flow of the inner tide of self. It has it's own language, it measures knowledge and understanding unlike logical thinking. It comprehends with utter certainty without knowing how it got to its conclusion. 

I lie awake and the boundaries of mind and spirit overlap. Reality and spiritual insight blur together into a surreal dream-like vision. How can I be sure? What if I'm wrong? Is this trustworthy?

Staring at the ceiling with unseeing eyes, my soul catches a glimpse of the one weighing so heavily on my heart. God, do they know you? Where are they now? Why do I carry such a burden for them in my heart? Dare I trust that you will work these things out for your good and your glory even without me ever understanding what this is?

Despite the mess of my emotions and the confliction of my thoughts, I feel the steady rhythm of the call; pray, it says. Pray and pray and pray.

So I do. I fall asleep praying and I'm awakened with the prompting to pray some more.

I still don't understand. I toss to and fro, not willing to risk that this quiet inner voice might be speaking truth. Morning comes and with daylight comes doubt - it's easy to hide behind the certainty of absolutes. Yet I have learnt to trust this inner guide. There have been times when I have heard something or felt something which I have ignored and thought of as silliness or just workings of my sub-conscious mind. But then God moves and I see that I'm mistaken. The voice is accurate and trustworthy and not just my mind running wild. 

His voice is very still, and very small. It's quiet and gentle, easy to miss. 

I have two options. I can take the risk and believe that this is from Him. Or I can ignore it. I don't know what He's asking me to pray. Only that I need to pray. Earnestly, diligently, with fervor and passion. For so long I've been asking for answers, but I'm coming to realise that it's bigger than knowing the answers to my questions. He's asking me to trust that in the midst of not knowing, He is still working out His plan and purpose. I need to be faithful and obedient and continue to follow the promptings He has placed on my heart. 

Conquering Power

As you go into a new week, I pray that you will walk in the authority of the Holy Spirit, remembering who you are in Him.

The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world's ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God.  //  1 John 5:4

Renewal

I'm not going to lie, there are some days when all I want to do is sit around the house doing absolutely nothing. Today has been one of those days - I've been in my pyjamas all day and I've done nothing productive!

I know that this might come across as laziness, and really it is, but there are times when it's important for me to slow down to almost a complete standstill. So often my calender is full of 'stuff' and busyness that I forget to stop and take the time to rest and rejuvenate. Yet I need to. In order to continue giving into the things that I invest my time in, I have to make sure that I invest in renewing my energy reserves too.

Renewal happens from the inside. And in order for me to be renewed, I need headspace to struggle with and work through issues that affect my week and weigh on my heart. I need to leave room in my busy schedule to let God work. And that requires time. Time that sometimes means that I do nothing outwardly in order to be inwardly productive, to cultivate my inner life.

In order to be poured out, we first need to be filled. And as we move through our busy lives, we need to continually be filled. I don't know about you, but it's too hard constantly running on empty. Renewal is an ongoing process. And He gives it at any time, in any circumstance - it's completely limitless.

Overwhelmed

Sunday evening. Time to prepare for the week ahead. Only on this Sunday evening I've been struck with a feeling of complete and overwhelming panic. It feels like my ever growing to-do list has grown into a giant monster that threatens to swallow me whole. My mind rushes at a million miles an hour when I think of all the things that need to be done. And as fast as I check something off the list, there are a multitude of things to take its place. How do I live a productive and fulfilled life without freaking out every ten minuets because I can't do everything that needs to be done? Note to self - time management Jo, it's called time management.

Yet just because I'm completely overwhelmed in this feeling of inadequacy, I'm choosing to embrace it. Because this is a place where I can't live in my own strength. I need Him. I need His grace. I have to lay down my inadequacies and hang-ups and cast those worries onto Jesus. Because he can handle the things that scare me and overwhelm my soul. 

Let's face it, I can't do everything. Perfection is unattainable. Yet in His perfect love, He extends grace to my momentary freak-outs when life feels too much for me to handle. But these moments are good, they're important. Because they make me seek a little change of perspective. 

O God, listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings! // Psalm 61:1-4

#SheReadsTruth

One morning while browsing through my emails during my tea break, I came across something interesting about women getting together online to read the bible together.  I thought it sounded great but didn't have time to read it straight away. So I promptly filed the information away in the back of my mind for future reference.

But when later came around and I went back through the myriad of email messages trying to find the email-of-interest to investigate further, I couldn't - it was gone! And I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was even called so that I could search it on Google. Has that ever happen to you? Don't you just hate it? You'd think it would just take a minuet to click on the little star that marks the email as being noteworthy but no, that didn't happen. And to my complete frustration! It plagued me for days. 

source

Then I visited Katie. It had been awhile since I'd been over at Katie's blog (she is wonderful by the way and you should go visit her after reading this). She wrote a post about prayer and surrender that really stirred my heart. But not only that - I found it!

#SheReadsTruth is a bunch of woman reading their bibles together. That's it. No fancy devotional, no one person giving their thoughts on something God is saying or doing for them but has no direct relevance to me. Even though everyone reads the same thing each day, the Spirit breathes life and leads and speaks to each one on a personal and totally individual basis. As only He can. Isn't that just awesome?! 

God truly amazes me. His timing on this has been so incredible. I've been searching for a way to make reading my bible more do-able. I've been wanting to really dig into God's word so that I can hear from Him. But I haven't known where to start. It's kind of daunting when there are so many possible starting points. I've also been thinking a lot about prayer. The whole concept of prayer has been coming and going in the back of my mind for months now. What is prayer, really? And how do I pray? Do I really even know what it is to pray? Am I doing it right? How can I cultivate a deeper prayer life? What can it look like for me? Well, guess what the study was that the ladies at #SheReadsTruth were doing? Yep, prayer.

So I've been shaking up my morning routine with a fresh dose of scripture every day and loving it. #SheReadsTruth is starting a new study next Monday (the 6th of August). Maybe you'd like to consider joining? You can find out more on their blog (the 'how?' page is a great place to start) and on Twitter. And if you decide to join in, please let me know. Let's journey together.

Finding a Beginning

There's been this little voice in the depths of my spirit that's been whispering "It's time to write now." It's a soft voice. But a very persistent one. Almost like that gentle voice of God beckoning me to chase after this dream that's been buried in a dark corner of my heart. And I didn't even realize how deep it went until recently. But the more I've dwelt on the prospect of writing again, the stronger the urge to get going and write. Yet fear has been holding me back. It's the old story. I've marginalized myself by underestimating the things I am able to do with a God-sized, God-inspired dream. Just the possibility of failure keeps me from launching into the unknown and claiming new ground. There's a little part of me - strike that, a big part of me that doubts myself and struggles to fully trust God. 

"Writing? I can't do that. I'm not a writer."

There are some dreams that I've put into the "It's too hard and too impossible and I'm not enough; I might even fail at it so I'll just put it aside and into the pile of 'one day' dreams instead." This is one of those. Only, 'one day' was yesterday's today. And if nothing happens today, it makes the likelihood of achieving my 'one day' dreams unlikely if not impossible. So it's time to get started.

The Spirit works in ways that are so powerful, I marvel at the mystery! He is performing an intensive work in the depth of my being and challenging my attitude toward the dreams and promises that He has put in my heart. He's made me realize that it's not me, but Him in me. And His purposes for these things are what make them worth pursuing. Despite the fear. And despite the unknown. It's true to say that His power really does work best in my weakness.

So as this realization has slowly started to bloom in my heart, I've been eager to start writing again. Only I've been stuck as to where I should begin.  In the search of a suitable reintroduction I've decided that in order to start, I just have to start. Anywhere. Simply the action of creating something from nothing, in absolutely any direction, is the breakthrough necessary to generate momentum.  I have to push my natural inclination toward perfection to one side and embrace the messy, imperfect nature of creative trial-and-error. Let's face it, there's no way to know for sure how it's going to turn out. But actually, I think that's really the beauty of it.