Saturday, 29 October 2011

Monsters Under my Bed

At the beginning of the year I felt a restless stirring, like something was going to happen but I didn't know what. My life was at somewhat of a standstill. I didn't know where it was going or what direction it should take. My life's season was changing and I felt scared and unsure of myself and of the plan that God had for me. I sort of felt like I was fumbling around in the dark really, like God hadn't really shown me the plan at all, let alone consulted me. So life was stuck in the in-between. Waiting, aimless, drifting, restless and filled with uncertainty. Yet my heart heard a quite whisper, a silent knowing that something was just around the corner. I was standing on the precipice of Unknown Possibilities. Anything could happen.

I sought God and questioned him. What was ahead? What was this year going to look like?
This is what came out of it:

Remember when you were little and it was night-time and the dark was scary? And you lay in your bed hiding under the covers when you really wanted to run to the safety of your parents but you couldn't because their were monsters under your bed? 
And now you’re grown up and you know that there aren’t really monsters. Your fears were unfounded, imaginary, childish. But why then, do you still know that feeling those monsters evoked when you thought they were hiding under your bed? Because they grew up too. They may look different but they’re still there. Now they have names like “Worried for a Job”, “Need Money to Pay the Bills”, “Can’t Do That”, “Not Good Enough” and “What Will People Think”. Despite the fact that we shouldn't, we live with these monsters. They scare us. So we imagine them away, we run away, we avoid them. We hide. 
I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately. I know fear well. Fear had me tightly in it’s grip once. But I got to thinking how God had set me free from that fear and yet in spite of it, there are still other fears that I hold on to. When I started thinking about all the uncertainties ahead of me this year, I got scared. I’m scared of the unknown. Of the road ahead. I know it’s an unfounded fear, but it’s there nonetheless. 
I read about Ann naming her years. It resonated. I always feel like I have a theme for the year. I’ve just never named it. So this year, I am. I’m not doing it just because it sounds like a good idea but because my year already has a name. And it’s just a word. But it’s a word that shapes the year and the work God has already started doing in my heart. Perhaps not so coincidentally I also came aross OneWord 

My year has a name. It’s one word.

I sat down and wrote a short list of goals for myself for the coming year. I finished by saying, “Take risks, do things that scares you, live fearless”. Little did I know that God had it in mind to grow that little seed into my theme. But there it is: timely and in season. It’s the right word. Fear has stopped me doing so many things. This year, I will be Fearless. I will hide in Jesus, not from monsters.

God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge...
Psalm 46:1

1 comment:

  1. I love that... the idea of naming years. I've never thought about naming a year in preparation for it, only after I'm through it. In hindsight, I'm more apt to categorizing. I think I'll have to name 2012... and I think, if this ending to 2011 is any indicator, I may already have a name. Love your year of fearless... it's such a natural thing, fear, but too often we allow it to rule our lives rather than believing it's already been conquered in Christ. Thanks for this, Jo-Ann. You always give me much to ponder. :)